| I'm done. |
[16 Nov 2009|02:08pm] |
I don't write anymore. It makes me sad. I keep more to myself than I ever have before. I thought as I got older, I'd let go of this need to keep it all in, but instead I've delved even deeper into myself.
Some friends are meant to be your friends forever, ie. Kristen, Candie, Mary, Aaron Luke, etc.
Some friends are meant to be flashes. They're there for a reason and not meant to stay. I think I'm beginning to realize more and more who these friends are.
I'm also realizing that being together isn't a loss of individuality. Some battles are worth the fight and some just aren't. I think you are worth the battle. And you might be worth it all the days of my life...
"It's not the end of everything, it's just the end of everything you know"
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| Third Eye Blind - 10/5/09 |
[06 Oct 2009|09:38am] |
Music always deserves an update.
Last night, I went to see Third Eye Blind with Candie at the Cannery Ballroom. It was one of the best shows I have ever seen. 3eb puts on a fantastic show. They also really love their fans, which is evident from every gesture and word. They appreciate us just as much as we appreciate them, and that is something rare and beautiful. Seeing them inside was much different than seeing them outdoors, and they truly are an "indoor" band. I'm glad I could take Candie since she's been having a rough time lately. However, it definitely felt weird and unsettling to see them without Kelsey. I called him and held up my phone a lot, but it wasn't the same. He would have loved the show. I wrote the set-list below with some anecdotes, mainly for my recollection later, but enjoy!
Can You Take Me
Losing A Whole Year
Crystal Baller
Wounded
Sharp Knife
Never Let You Go
Bonfire
Motorcycle Drive-By (AMAZING. Like a youth anthem.)
Water Landing (Stephan's favorite song on the album)
Graduate
One In Ten
Forget Myself (Stephan claimed to have forgotten how to play this. Haha. He played drums, while the band busted out acoustics. INCREDIBLE)
The Background
Dao of St. Paul
Jumper (Brad did a crazy drum solo and the audience sang the guitar part almost the entire time)
Monotov's Private Opera (techno version. Might have been the most awesome part of the show, but that's tough to say definitively. Stephan had glow necklaces, danced around the stage and threw them into the crowd)
Don't Believe A Word (Stephan held the mic out and the power of the crowd screaming "You fuckin' whore, I'll kill you" was immeasurable. WOW)
Semi-Charmed Life - with brief "Must Be The Money" bit.
Encore:
Slow Motion (Stephan came out and just stood there and smiled at the crowd screaming. He walked to the side, brought out his guitar and started playing solo. He made an adorable guilty face at "junky wino creep")
God Of Wine - "The driving song"
Bonfire Reprise (we sang the whoas, then without music, and as they walked off stage. Awesome)
August 11th, 2007 show:
Losing A Whole Year
Crystal Baller
Wounded
Red Summer Sun
Graduate
Bonfire (hadn't been released yet)
Jumper
Never Let You Go
Motorcycle Drive-By
How's It Going To Be
Semi-Charmed Life
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| No Title |
[29 Aug 2009|12:47am] |
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music |
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Sharp Knife - 3eb |
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I wish I wasn't such a mess sometimes. Some days I'm fine, and I can forget that it happened. I can start over. I can have reckless fun and be 23.
And other days, it crushes me. I wish I was grown up and all this drama was over. I'd have someone there, no matter what. I'd have someone to count on. And my heart would finally be done with this crap. I wish something was permanent. I wish this pressure around my chest would disappear. Giving your whole heart hurts every time, even more than the last time when you swore you'd never do it again.
People always leave.
It's time for me to find God again.
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| Lee |
[26 Aug 2009|01:50pm] |
I miss Lee today. I want to take the day off, throw my pjs on, grab some Yoohoo and watch Gettysburg, Glory, Ferris Bueller, Monkey Shines, etc. After that maybe make bookmarks, bang pots and pans, get lost in the woods, talk about boys fitting in our pockets, and drink in a hot tub.
If any of you see her, please kidnap her, throw her in a box and mail her to Tennessee ASAP. Thank you.
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| You Don't Know Me |
[24 Aug 2009|03:33pm] |
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Song For You - Michael Buble |
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Hey J,
List of brief updates:
1) I got strep throat last week
2) I had blood drawn for the first time. This greatly saddens me.
3) This past weekend Kate, Peggy, Sarah, and Kathleen came for a visit.
4) On said visit: we cruised on the General Jackson, went line-dancing, and the girls got to ride a motorcycle (Josie of course) for the very first time. I think they had fun. I know I did!
Moving on...
I'm in a good mood today. I was in a good mood yesterday too. Now, it's not like I'm usually in a BAD mood, but my heart feels lighter than it has in the past couple of weeks. I'm not quite sure what's going on, but I feel like I'm letting go a bit; no longer feeling guilty for spending time with friends. I suppose in the back of my mind I keep feeling like I'm neglecting to hang out with Kelsey, and then I have to re-realize that he's not here. I shouldn't feel guilty at all. This was the whole point of breaking it off in the first place. Fresh start for everyone. And only now am I starting to figure it out.
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| What to say... |
[29 Jul 2009|02:22pm] |
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Counting Crows - Recovering The Satellites |
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Hey Journal,
So I suppose it's time for a public update, eh?
Since I last spoke with you J, a lot has happened. You know that "talk" I was deathly afraid of having? The one I went over and over in my head? It lasted about 5 minutes on a drive from Boscos to the RAAK shack. It wasn't nearly as intense or scary as I had imagined, not half as scary as the actual event itself. Last week I spent every single minute that I could with him, knowing that it would be over in an instant, in a brief hug goodbye. Then it was done.
It's sad when you realize it's actually over. I keep thinking he'll be back soon. He's just on vacation or at work, but none of that's true. He's gone. When I go help Richard and Aaron Luke move on Saturday (which I dread), he won't be there. His room will be empty. Football season will start, Christmas will come and go, Jan. 14th will pass like any other day and he won't be here.
I wish we'd treated each other better. I wish we hadn't taken each other for granted. I wish a lot of things. I don't know what this new future brings, but I'm beginning to be ready. Time to discover that part of me that I've been missing, time to re-discover my faith, and time to open myself to new experiences and new people. Now, I'm not closing this chapter altogether; not just yet. But my book is going to be long and exciting, and if one day I plan on re-visiting some chapters, I just might. Only time will tell, but I plan on having a lot of fun along the way. I'm not done growing up yet and seeing what I'm capable of, and hopefully I like the person that comes out at the end. Bare with me as I figure it all out.
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| P90X |
[06 Jul 2009|11:37am] |
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People In Planes - Wish You'd Fall Apart |
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Hey all,
Hope you had a Happy 4th of July!!! I know I did! Beer with great friends at Big River Brewery + fireworks in the pouring down rain + Taboulis for hookah and philosophical discussion = Great Day!
So, I ordered P90x, and I'm pretty stoked about it. It should be getting here today if all goes right, which means I'll start tomorrow. Matt and I are planning a kick-ass bike trip to Florida in October, so I NEED to be beach ready! I'm even going to do the silly "before" and "after" pictures to keep myself motivated. I always fail when it comes to sticking to a workout plan for long periods of time (except training for the 1/2 marathon), so I'm praying that this time I can keep it up! I'm convinced I can do this. I hear this workout is basically going to rape me, but I'm ready. 90 days from now, I'm going to have the body I've wanted for a long time...
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| MJ |
[25 Jun 2009|06:29pm] |
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Just Another Part Of Me - Michael Jackson |
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Michael Jackson died today. Words can't even express how much he'll be missed.
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| Ramblings |
[16 Jun 2009|10:28am] |
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music |
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Eagles - The Last Resort |
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Hey Journal,
So Mary came for an impromptu visit this past week! She came from Wednesday - Monday and here is a list of all the crazy awesome stuff we did:
1) Went downtown to CMA Fest (and got fake "Hillbilly" tattoos)
2) Smoked Hookah (2x) at Taboulis
3) Played Kings Cup with Mom and Kels (tradition)
4) Partied and drank downtown (ran into an ex boyfriend playing on the side of the road, Mary got a REAL tattoo, saw a drunk co-worker, and watched my friend Josh kick ass on stage at Crossroads)
5) Ate at Loveless Cafe (after a 2 hour wait)
6) Watched "Baby Mama" (Ooo, ooooo!) at Matt's house
7) Got Mary authentic Cowboy boots and a cute cowboy hat
8) Used the phrases "Really?", "Hilaaaarious", and "Angry Bear" way too much! Haha.
9) Jumped Mary's car and watched her get pulled over on the highway. Haha!
All in all, I'd call it a successful week!
In other news,
I'm tired. Went driving around last night at Sunset, and the sky was just beautiful - pink and orange. While listening to "Learn To Be Still", I actually felt my heart bursting. I haven't felt that kind of happiness and sadness in way too long. I really think I need a vacation. I know I have to wait until the Fall when I actually have enough days off to take one, but I'm dying. At least Matt will let me hop on the back of his bike and ride around. There is a peace that comes from riding that motorcycle that I can't get anywhere else... Glad I have the best friends in the world.
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| Goals |
[11 May 2009|01:20pm] |
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Let The Wind Blow Through |
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Hey Journal,
I've decided to put down in writing some of the goals I have for this year:
1) Lose 10-15 lbs (says the girl who just had a sub and chips for lunch)
2) Go on a vacation to the beach with Candie or a group of friends
3) Save $$$
4) Keep Running!
5) Frequent downtown Nashville more often
6) Get my nose pierced (Cancel)
7) Have more fun and meet new people (vague one, but a goody)
8) Get more involved at work
9) Learn how to salsa dance (added 5/26/09)
10) Get a motorcycle - this might take longer than a year (added 6/9/09)
I'll keep updating this as my list grows and I accomplish the aforementioned things!
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| Country Music 1/2 Marathon |
[27 Apr 2009|11:21am] |
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The Eagles |
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Man, I wish I'd been keeping a log on this thing over the past couple of months, but what can I do now, right? Anyway...
On Saturday (April 25th), I ran my very first 1/2 marathon! Words cannot possibly express how amazed and proud I am of not only myself, but my friends, family, and the other 30,000 runners who participated. In December, sitting at lunch with a good friend of mine (Tim Dahl) at Jackson's Bar & Bistro, I mentioned running the Country Music 1/2 Marathon. One of our writers, Kris Bergsnes, mentioned a training group at "Fleet Feet" that would prepare of for the race. I never expected Tim to say yes, or as enthusiastically, but he did, and within days we had turned in our $50 and got our training schedule via email.
Tim and I decided to attempt one measly 2 mile run before the official training started in January to get us amped for the coming months. We made it about one mile before we had to stop. Tim was dying and I was extremely winded and pretty upset with myself for being this out of shape. Suffice it to say, the next couple months were pretty brutal. We ran in rain, 30 degree temperatures, and on race day, 85 degree weather. All of our hard work paid off though and I crossed the finish line at 2:21:33. From a girl who could barely manage a mile (and had sprained her ankle a few months before), I can now officially say that I ran 13.1 miles like a champ, crossing the finish line next to my mom. It was an experience I will never forget and will reign as one of my all-time favorite days of my life. I couldn't be happier (or more sore!) than I am right now! Congrats to Tim and mom for making this one of the best and most rewarding events of my life. And a big shout out to Tammy and all the trainers/trainees at Fleet Feet for an incredible couple of months! I'll be sure to come back next year for my next 1/2 marathon!
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| The Love Dare |
[22 Mar 2009|11:30am] |
Hey everyone (no one) who reads this,
I'd just like to say disregard the last journal I posted. Kelsey and I have gotten back together and are working out our issues, which feels wonderful. Our relationship will end up being stronger and better than before! Yay!
On other notes,
My birthday celebration was very fun. We went to Dave & Busters, bowled and drank! It was awesome. Mom's birthday is tomorrow and I'm preparing an awesome birthday meal for her. I hope she likes it. Today's weather is a high of 69, so I'm going to get off this thing to go enjoy it! TTYL!
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| Everything Changes |
[12 Mar 2009|11:58am] |
I've been contemplating writing all morning. I'm bored at work and swear that if I check facebook one more time, I'll seriously explode.
I really don't know what to say. I miss that person I used to be and I miss the people I shared my life with. On the outside, my life is ideal. I live alone, I have the job I always wanted, I have good friends. But I've realized that I'm not happy anymore. And I don't think I have been in a long time. Kelsey and I ended things last night. I knew it was coming. I just didn't know when or how. And truthfully, I didn't know how it would make me feel. We've been this dysfunctional couple now for as long as I can remember. He said everything changed when I moved into my house, and maybe he's right. Maybe it's my fault, but I don't know. But things have changed. We've been "buddy buddy" for months. We barely even kiss anymore and spend all of our time in groups, never alone. And when we're around each other, we bicker, which is normal for us, but just not the fun it used to be. I genuinely become annoyed and he seems to care less and less about my reactions. It's the little things that faded away. The honeymoon phase has been over for a long time, but the kindness and respect have disappeared too. The little things couples do for each other has been missing for a while. I miss the days of animal crackers and roses, staying up all night listening to music, even simply saying that each other looks nice on a date (but we haven't gone on a date in months). Now when I'm sick, he avoids me like the plague. And I want to scream at him every time he pulls that i-phone out of his pocket. When I sit on the futon, he goes to sit in a chair away from me and play video games. I would never have guess years ago, that this would be what our relationship would look like down the road.
And truth be told, it's no one's fault. We just faded away. I don't hate him. It would be much easier if I did. But he is, was and always will be the good guy. I guess that makes me the bitch. I thought after all of this time has passed with our relationship on the brink of extinction, that I would feel some sort or relief when it was all said and done. Granted, it's been less than 24 hours, but I don't feel relief at all. I feel like crap about it. And I know it'll be one of those things I come back to over and over in my head and wonder "Did I make a huge mistake?!". People always miss the things that are gone and the things they can't have. But I have to remind myself that it ended for a reason. We weren't working anymore, and we would've ended up hating each other if we kept lying to ourselves about the state of our relationship. But I won't lie, the next girl he dates better stay away from me. Because I won't be happy about it. I just hope that we can be friends. But that just might be too hard...
I hate feeling this alone.
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| Much Needed Journaling |
[06 Jan 2009|12:41pm] |
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 blah |
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Have A Good Life - Space Cadet |
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I hate that I don't write anymore. I used to drone on and on about the trivial crap I was doing in this journal. And every once in a blue moon, a worthwhile entry would make an appearance, venting the thoughts that had been stored up for much too long. I feel like I don't have many of these good, deep thoughts anymore. And when I do, I am too lazy to tell the world. I realized I completely missed your birthday journal. For this, I apologize. It's very unlike me to forget, especially since your birthday usually involves me going back through the years and writing some "look how I've changed", sentimental, and predictably long entry. So again, I'm sorry.
It's a new year. I still really can't believe that it is 2009. My friend Kevin wrote a blog about his New Year festivities and how lackluster 2008 had been. Fortunately enough for me, 2008 didn't shape up too badly. I cruised around Mexico with friends, graduated from college, worked in the film industry, got a job in music publishing, got my own place, and even got a cat. 2008 was a big year for growing up. If I had to my life now a year ago, I actually think I might have pictured myself here. This is a nice thought because life rarely follows the path I plan. I hope that 2009 throws me some curve balls though. I'd like to NOT be able to predict the Me of 2010.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be the person I want to be. That whole "grass is greener" metaphor seems to follow me around a bunch. I finally work in the industry I've been dreaming about since high school. I love it, and it still is pretty new to me. I have a lot to learn and look forward to seeing my progress. On the other hand, I want to travel. My friend Laura has applied to the Peace Corp. I'm slightly jealous. Besides the music biz, my other great passion in life is outreach, especially ministry related outreach. I'd love to travel the world making a positive difference for the people I serve. A lot of Americans (me included) get so consumed with themselves and how to make their lives better that they forget about the millions of people all around the world that will never live to their full potential because they are poverty stricken, sick, uneducated, etc. Many of these people wake up every morning not knowing whether they will live or die, whether their children will be able to survive if something happened to them, whether they can afford food as they watch their families wither away. What makes a bad day for an American? Lousy day at work, didn't get my Starbucks, or couldn't afford that new piece of technology that we HAVE to get or else we'll be behind the other kids. I want to make a difference. I mean a REAL difference. And I need God to help me figure out exactly what that means for me. I want to go abroad, but know that I need to start at home and work my way up. Music is my dream, but outreach is my duty.
On the less deep, more superficial side of things...
The Cowboys are out of the playoffs. They lost to the Eagles of all teams in a pretty dis-heartening game that ended 44-6. They better get their act together and come back next year with a vengeance.
Kelsey gave me a cat for an early anniversary gift. His name is Troy Aikman, and he is pretty much the sweetest kitty around. He's 2.5 years old, grey and white, and all around cuddly. He gets de-clawed tomorrow, so pray that he doesn't go too nuts afterwards.
I have a fun surprise in store for Kels for our anniversary. I'll fill you all in about that later...
Kelsey and Richard are celebrating the holidays a bit late with family in Dallas this week. I'm sad I couldn't go with them, but I'm saving up vacation days for later this year since I'm apparently going to 2 weddings this summer. We'll see if that pans out. I'd much rather go on some exotic group vacation or back up to NYC and NJ to see my friends. (Especially since there will be no alcohol at these wedding receptions anyway *wink wink*)
Well, I should get back to work. Thanks for listening. I'm sure it'll be a nice long while until I write again. So sad, I know. Love you all. Bye!
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| New House |
[08 Dec 2008|09:56am] |
Hey all,
I've made a slideshow with pictures of my new house. Keep in mind, it was decorated for my "Holiday Housewarming Party" that I threw this past weekend!
*Side Note* Thanks to everyone who made it out to my party! I've got some of the most wonderful people in my life and am thankful everyday for your love and support!
Ok, now back to the pictures...
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v236/bummgrl99/New%20House/?albumview=slideshow
~Jersey
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| Update |
[14 Nov 2008|10:15am] |
I went to Texas to surprise Kelsey for his birthday a few weeks ago. I met Robert, who Kelsey has been talking about for the last 2 years.
I've officially moved into my new house. I'm still cleaning and unpacking in hopes to have a housewarming party in the near future.
Since Halloween, I've eaten whatever I want whenever I want, and I must say, it feels good. Soon I will be back on a diet and working out, but in the meantime, I'm enjoying my little break.
George moved to New Mexico and I miss him.
I went to my first industry luncheon (Pan Potluck) and my first party at my boss' house. It was a blast!
Belmont is going to be building 2 new buildings across the street from my house and the blasting starts next week. I fear for my earthly possessions and am purchasing renter's insurance ASAP.
I think my landlord expects me to paint my entire house...not gonna happen. It's not my fault his last tenant didn't know or have the paint color needed to cover up the holes she left in the walls. When I promised to spackle and paint, I was referring to the holes, not the entire place. Idiot.
My very first guitar teacher from Nazareth, PA, Jim Carolan (who gave me lessons once a week for about 6 years) knows and writes with one of our writers at S1 Songs. I should hopefully see him sometime soon. He taught me every talent show routine and even gave me my first autographed cd (Buddy Guy). I haven't seen him since I was about 13 years old.
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| My Friends... |
[23 Oct 2008|01:53pm] |
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 chipper |
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music |
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People In Planes - Know By Now |
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Hey Friends,
This is what has been going on in my life if you're interested!
Since we last chatted, I've quit Stray Dog and am now working for S1 Songs on Music Row. I started Monday, so I'm still in the process of getting used to my new surroundings! But so far, so good! My bosses are kick-ass, I get an hour for lunch, I have health benefits and paid vacation. Much more of a grown-up job than my last one fosho!
I'm also preparing to move out of mom's house next weekend! I've found an adorable house about 1 mile from work that I will be moving into November 1st! In just a matter of 2 weeks, I have transitioned from having a dead-end job in Franklin, living with my mother to having a music publishing gig on Music Row and a new house! I don't know if it's karma or good luck, but God is really looking out for me these days and I'm so grateful! I'll be back home in Nashville where I belong, surrounded by friends that I've missed a lot. I just pray that I continue to grow with this job and that I can afford everything coming with these new responsibilities.
My grandpa (mom's dad) just went into the hospital today. Mom went up to be with him and grandma. So prayers for my family, if you can remember, would be greatly appreciated!
Last night, Kelsey, Aaron Luke, Kate and I carved our Halloween pumpkins. They look amazing! Mine is below!
We're also throwing what should turn out to be an incredible Halloween Party next Friday! Fog machines, ghost decorations, cauldron full of booze, strobe lights, beer pong, a keg, etc. I'm excited!
Rodger Dodger Over & Out!
-Jerz
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[02 Sep 2008|01:45pm] |
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Nada Surf - I like what you say |
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Hey people,
Update time:
The Good News:
Kelsey's party ended up being incredible. We had a great turnout (about 40 people) and everyone had a great time!
The Bad News:
On Sunday, Kelsey and I were driving to my mom's house when he rear-ended an SUV. The airbags blew and the whole front of car was smushed in. Luckily, Kels and I were okay with some cuts, bruises, and sore muscles. The car in front of us didn't even look touched! It was amazing. Kelsey's car was leaking antifreeze and white powder everywhere and the SUV was perfect. Of course, the 4 people in the car HAD to go to the chiropractor...Assholes. They were fine, but have to milk the insurance money for all it is worth. I hate people like that. Royce and Cheryl came to town to get Farrah (Kels' car) home. Now Kelsey is driving a Ford Explorer, which suits him nicely, but I still miss Farah.
On Wednesday:
Kate and Curt got to town. The next 5 days after that were a blurrrr...
1) Flying Saucer/Aladdin's
2) Bar Hopping/Coyote Ugly/Deep discussion about religion and aliens. lol.
3) Cookout/Bluebird Cafe/Jonathan's
4) Winery/Sol
And that is just some of the stuff we did...it was tiring and extremely fun!
Oh, did I mention I put a deposit down on an apartment?! I love the place, but am just worried whether I'll be able to afford rent, utilities, etc. In my spare time, I spend hours shopping online for a couch, coffee table, tv, etc. It gets me so excited!
Belmont started classes this past Wednesday. Kelsey is at school right now, which feels very weird. This summer, we've both been working non-stop and hanging out when we can. Now he's even busier with school and work, so I realize we won't be seeing each other as much. Belmont got a Quiznos and a wing place AND remodeled Corner Court. I'm happy to be out of there, but wish they could have had any of that stuff when I was attending! Whatever.
Bex and Jesse broke it off. I feel bad for Bex because I know how much she tried to make it work. Nothing hurts more than giving someone all of yourself to have them just give it back. Unfortunately, we've all been there. I think it makes us stronger and more aware the next time a person comes into our lives. Bex will get through this and I will help. She's been nothing short of a fantastic friend and I owe her the same in return. Tonight we're going for sushi, so I'm very happy. I love sushi.
I'm happy Kelsey and I are doing so well. Duh, right? We're perfect for each other, at least he is for me. Watching people breaking up always makes you re-assess your own relationship. Kelsey is to this day still unlike any guy I've ever met. And that's why I plan on marrying him one day, no matter how long it takes.
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| Oh Yeah... |
[20 Aug 2008|03:25pm] |
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Evan Newman is Fuckin' Awesome!
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bassdrummer's journal